Sunday, November 6, 2011
Financial bail-out for the simple folks like us
What is a Financial Bail-Out ? To a simple mind, this is it:- It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down harshly, and all the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some room-keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and rushes down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of animal feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the friendly neighbourhood pub. The pub owner slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar - who, in spite of facing hard times, has always gladly offered him her 'services' on credit. The hooker then rushes over to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor quietly replaces the €100 note back on the counter, so that the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that none of the rooms are satisfactory, picks up the €100 note, pockets it and leaves town. No one has produced anything. No one has earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, dear ladies and gentlemen, is how a basic financial bailout package works ! That sort of sums it up.
Santa Singh's ULTIMATE Father-in-law!!!
Santa Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa was veryconfident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the D-day. As fate wouldhave it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately.Before going, he asked his father -in-law to send a telegram confirming birth ofhis son. But in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he askshis father -in-law to write "the watch has arrived" and he will understand thatthe son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa'sfather-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the watch has arrived" Santawill think he has got a Son. If he writes " watch has not arrived" Santa willget worried that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligentperson, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
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"The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing"..
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa'sfather-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the watch has arrived" Santawill think he has got a Son. If he writes " watch has not arrived" Santa willget worried that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligentperson, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
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"The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing"..
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What is marriage
1. Marriage is not a word.It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus:engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a coketail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus:engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a coketail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
SMART INDIAN. . . . . .
An Indian man walks into the New York City bank and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41and expect it to be there when I return".
This is a true incident and the
Indian is none other than
Vijay Mallya
He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41and expect it to be there when I return".
This is a true incident and the
Indian is none other than
Vijay Mallya
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Funny story
Inzamaam, a Pakistani child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio (USA)
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Inzamaam ". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"-replied the teacher.
In the evening, Inzamaam returned home. "How was your day, Inzamaam?"- asked his mother.
"My name is not Inzamaam. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"- and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Inzamaam returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happenedm to you little Johnny"?
Well madam, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistanis."
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Inzamaam ". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"-replied the teacher.
In the evening, Inzamaam returned home. "How was your day, Inzamaam?"- asked his mother.
"My name is not Inzamaam. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"- and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Inzamaam returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happenedm to you little Johnny"?
Well madam, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistanis."
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