When I was 10 - rubber meant eraser, ass meant donkey, gay meant happy, straight meant linear, making out meant 'logical deduction', Cock meant rooster, pussy meant cat, stag meant a male deer, prick meant a jab, poke meant a nudge, chick meant a baby hen, screw meant a carpenter's implement and a Tit was always for Tat!!
Damn! -English has changed so much !!!!!
-------------------------
Blind Man
-------------------------
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."
-------------------------
Monday, July 18, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Superb Sentences By 7 Superb Persons
Dr.Abdul Kalam.... "It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone,
But It Is Very Hard To Win Some
Shakespeare..... "Never Play With The Feelings Of Others
Because You May Win The Game
But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Lose The Person For A LifeTime"
Napoleon........ "The world suffers a lot.
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"
Einstein......... "I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its because of them I did it myself.."
Abraham Lincoln......... "If friendship is your weakest point then
you are the strongest person
in the world"
Shakespeare.......... "Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is
Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To
Deal With It".
William Arthur...... "Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You
Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".
Hitler..... "When You Are In The Light, Everything
Follows You, But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."
Shakespeare......... "Coin Always Makes Sound
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases
Keep Yourself Calm and Silent"
But It Is Very Hard To Win Some
Shakespeare..... "Never Play With The Feelings Of Others
Because You May Win The Game
But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Lose The Person For A LifeTime"
Napoleon........ "The world suffers a lot.
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"
Einstein......... "I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its because of them I did it myself.."
Abraham Lincoln......... "If friendship is your weakest point then
you are the strongest person
in the world"
Shakespeare.......... "Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is
Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To
Deal With It".
William Arthur...... "Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You
Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".
Hitler..... "When You Are In The Light, Everything
Follows You, But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."
Shakespeare......... "Coin Always Makes Sound
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases
Keep Yourself Calm and Silent"
Moral of the story!!!
THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had fee lings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family of in-laws was standing
outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car and not in your wallet.
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had fee lings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family of in-laws was standing
outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car and not in your wallet.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Woderful words
The
Present
THREE WAYS TO USE YOUR PRESENT MOMENTS
TO ENJOY YOUR WORK AND LIFE, NOW!
BE IN THE PRESENT
WHEN YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER AND MORE EFFECTIVE
Focus On What Is Right Now.
Respond To What Is Important Today.
LEARN FROM THE PAST
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE PRESENT BETTER THAN THE PAST
Look At What Happened In The Past.
Learn Something Valuable From It.
Do Things Differently Today.
HELP CREATE THE FUTURE
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE FUTURE BETTER THAN THE PRESENT
Imagine What A Wonderful Future Would Look Like.
Make A Realistic Plan.
Do Something Today To Help It Happen.
Present
THREE WAYS TO USE YOUR PRESENT MOMENTS
TO ENJOY YOUR WORK AND LIFE, NOW!
BE IN THE PRESENT
WHEN YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER AND MORE EFFECTIVE
Focus On What Is Right Now.
Respond To What Is Important Today.
LEARN FROM THE PAST
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE PRESENT BETTER THAN THE PAST
Look At What Happened In The Past.
Learn Something Valuable From It.
Do Things Differently Today.
HELP CREATE THE FUTURE
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE FUTURE BETTER THAN THE PRESENT
Imagine What A Wonderful Future Would Look Like.
Make A Realistic Plan.
Do Something Today To Help It Happen.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Who is clever? Teacher or student??
One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didnt
Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and wierd with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return
the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
True story from IIT Bombay...Batch 1992-96
Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and wierd with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return
the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
True story from IIT Bombay...Batch 1992-96
Moral of the Story in Corporate and social life...........
You are exactly correct “Success is a Journey and not the destination“
Good answers
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
Sometimes just thinking out of the box is what it takes!
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
Sometimes just thinking out of the box is what it takes!
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