Sunday, November 6, 2011
Financial bail-out for the simple folks like us
What is a Financial Bail-Out ? To a simple mind, this is it:- It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down harshly, and all the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some room-keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and rushes down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of animal feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the friendly neighbourhood pub. The pub owner slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar - who, in spite of facing hard times, has always gladly offered him her 'services' on credit. The hooker then rushes over to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor quietly replaces the €100 note back on the counter, so that the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that none of the rooms are satisfactory, picks up the €100 note, pockets it and leaves town. No one has produced anything. No one has earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, dear ladies and gentlemen, is how a basic financial bailout package works ! That sort of sums it up.
Santa Singh's ULTIMATE Father-in-law!!!
Santa Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa was veryconfident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the D-day. As fate wouldhave it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately.Before going, he asked his father -in-law to send a telegram confirming birth ofhis son. But in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he askshis father -in-law to write "the watch has arrived" and he will understand thatthe son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa'sfather-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the watch has arrived" Santawill think he has got a Son. If he writes " watch has not arrived" Santa willget worried that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligentperson, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing"..
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa'sfather-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the watch has arrived" Santawill think he has got a Son. If he writes " watch has not arrived" Santa willget worried that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligentperson, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing"..
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What is marriage
1. Marriage is not a word.It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus:engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a coketail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus:engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a coketail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
SMART INDIAN. . . . . .
An Indian man walks into the New York City bank and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41and expect it to be there when I return".
This is a true incident and the
Indian is none other than
Vijay Mallya
He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41and expect it to be there when I return".
This is a true incident and the
Indian is none other than
Vijay Mallya
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Funny story
Inzamaam, a Pakistani child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio (USA)
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Inzamaam ". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"-replied the teacher.
In the evening, Inzamaam returned home. "How was your day, Inzamaam?"- asked his mother.
"My name is not Inzamaam. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"- and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Inzamaam returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happenedm to you little Johnny"?
Well madam, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistanis."
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Inzamaam ". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"-replied the teacher.
In the evening, Inzamaam returned home. "How was your day, Inzamaam?"- asked his mother.
"My name is not Inzamaam. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"- and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Inzamaam returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happenedm to you little Johnny"?
Well madam, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistanis."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Police Dog
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink..
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The blonde said it was hers.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'
(Your gonna love this)
The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The blonde said it was hers.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'
(Your gonna love this)
The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'
Rock Salt or Sea Salt.
STRESS RELIEF. Is salt bad for hypertensive?
What is bad for hypertension is iodized salt, which is a fake salt. It is made up of only 3 synthetic chemicals, sodium, chloride, iodine. It does not melt in water (glistens like diamonds), does NOT melt in the body, does not melt in the kidneys, gives kidney stones, and raises blood pressure. However, it is the salt favored by the synthetic drug-based doctors who say it is very clean and sanitary, pointing to
how white it is and how it glistens like diamonds. The fake salt is man-made in a factory. The true salt, which comes from the sea and dried under the sun and commonly called rock salt , has 72 natural minerals including natural sodium, chloride, iodine. It melts in water, melts in your body, melts in the kidneys, do not give kidney stones, and best of all brings down blood pressure and stops/prevents muscle cramps, numbness, tingling.
If you get muscle cramps in the lower legs at night, just take ½ teaspoon of rock salt and a glass of water, and the cramps with its horrific pain will be gone in 5 minutes. The highest BP that came my way was in a woman who had a BP of 240/140 and came to my house at 10:30 pm on what she said was a matter of "life and death" because the high BP was already giving her a crushing headache, especially the back of her head. She could not walk up the 6 shallow steps to my
porch. Two men had to help her, one on each side, in addition to the cane that she needed to prop herself up.
I muscle tested her and found that underlying her BP of 240/140 and the crushing pain in the head, her body's water content was only 6% (normal is 75%), salt content was zero, potassium was 96% deficient, and cardiac output (blood flow from the heart) was only 40% (normal is 100%). So the blood supply to the head was 60% deficient.
I gave her one 6" long green sili (hot pepper), 1 raw ripe saba
banana, 1/2 teaspoon of rock salt and 3 8-oz glasses of tap water. The sili was to normalize cardiac output and shoot blood to the head, the saba banana was for the potassium deficiency and to have food in the stomach because pepper will give a stomach ache if the stomach is empty, and the rock salt and the water were the first aid for her severe dehydration which was causing her arteries to be dry and stiff
and her blood to be thick and sticky, because they were dehydrated.
After 5 minutes, she said, "The pain in my head is gone." We took her BP, it was 115/75, and cardiac output was up to 100%.
She walked out of the house to her car without the men helping her and without the cane.
She has been taking 2.5 teaspoons of rock salt, 15 glasses of water, 6 Saba bananas and 3 of the long pepper daily since then (beginning September 2009), and her BP and cardiac output have been normal since then.
Two months later, in November, at a PCAM round table forum on hypertension in Club Filipino, she gave her testimony, followed by her brother who said that she grew 2", because the salt and the water had refilled her compressed disc spaces in her vertebral column. The disc spaces had become compressed because they had become dehydrated since the fluid filling up these discs are 95% water.
Why salt? Because without salt the body cannot retain water no matter how much water is drunk. You will still be dehydrated because you will just keep urinating and sweating the water out.
This is not an isolated case. When BP is rising high but there is little or no headache but there is stiffness of shoulder and neck muscles, all you need to normalize the BP and remove the stiffness and the pain in 5 minutes is 1/2 teaspoon of rock salt and 3 glasses of water. If there is crushing pain in the head, it means blood supply to the head is lacking, and you will need the sili to normalize it and shoot blood to the head and remove the extreme pain.
What is bad for hypertension is iodized salt, which is a fake salt. It is made up of only 3 synthetic chemicals, sodium, chloride, iodine. It does not melt in water (glistens like diamonds), does NOT melt in the body, does not melt in the kidneys, gives kidney stones, and raises blood pressure. However, it is the salt favored by the synthetic drug-based doctors who say it is very clean and sanitary, pointing to
how white it is and how it glistens like diamonds. The fake salt is man-made in a factory. The true salt, which comes from the sea and dried under the sun and commonly called rock salt , has 72 natural minerals including natural sodium, chloride, iodine. It melts in water, melts in your body, melts in the kidneys, do not give kidney stones, and best of all brings down blood pressure and stops/prevents muscle cramps, numbness, tingling.
If you get muscle cramps in the lower legs at night, just take ½ teaspoon of rock salt and a glass of water, and the cramps with its horrific pain will be gone in 5 minutes. The highest BP that came my way was in a woman who had a BP of 240/140 and came to my house at 10:30 pm on what she said was a matter of "life and death" because the high BP was already giving her a crushing headache, especially the back of her head. She could not walk up the 6 shallow steps to my
porch. Two men had to help her, one on each side, in addition to the cane that she needed to prop herself up.
I muscle tested her and found that underlying her BP of 240/140 and the crushing pain in the head, her body's water content was only 6% (normal is 75%), salt content was zero, potassium was 96% deficient, and cardiac output (blood flow from the heart) was only 40% (normal is 100%). So the blood supply to the head was 60% deficient.
I gave her one 6" long green sili (hot pepper), 1 raw ripe saba
banana, 1/2 teaspoon of rock salt and 3 8-oz glasses of tap water. The sili was to normalize cardiac output and shoot blood to the head, the saba banana was for the potassium deficiency and to have food in the stomach because pepper will give a stomach ache if the stomach is empty, and the rock salt and the water were the first aid for her severe dehydration which was causing her arteries to be dry and stiff
and her blood to be thick and sticky, because they were dehydrated.
After 5 minutes, she said, "The pain in my head is gone." We took her BP, it was 115/75, and cardiac output was up to 100%.
She walked out of the house to her car without the men helping her and without the cane.
She has been taking 2.5 teaspoons of rock salt, 15 glasses of water, 6 Saba bananas and 3 of the long pepper daily since then (beginning September 2009), and her BP and cardiac output have been normal since then.
Two months later, in November, at a PCAM round table forum on hypertension in Club Filipino, she gave her testimony, followed by her brother who said that she grew 2", because the salt and the water had refilled her compressed disc spaces in her vertebral column. The disc spaces had become compressed because they had become dehydrated since the fluid filling up these discs are 95% water.
Why salt? Because without salt the body cannot retain water no matter how much water is drunk. You will still be dehydrated because you will just keep urinating and sweating the water out.
This is not an isolated case. When BP is rising high but there is little or no headache but there is stiffness of shoulder and neck muscles, all you need to normalize the BP and remove the stiffness and the pain in 5 minutes is 1/2 teaspoon of rock salt and 3 glasses of water. If there is crushing pain in the head, it means blood supply to the head is lacking, and you will need the sili to normalize it and shoot blood to the head and remove the extreme pain.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
KNOWLEDGE IS AMUSING
[1] FORTNIGHT comes from 'Fourteen Nights' (Two Weeks).
[2] POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened.
[3] MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'.
[4] BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody.
[5] DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped..
[6] NEWS refers to information from Four directions
N, E, W, and S.
[7] AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'.
[8] QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest..
[9] JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business.
[10] TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips.
[11] JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'.GP was changed into JEEP later.
[12] Coca-Cola was originally green.
[13] The most common name in the world is Mohammed..
[14] The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with Asia, America, Australia, Europe
[15] The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
[16] TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
[17] Women BLINK nearly twice as much as men!!
[18] You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
[19] It is impossible to lick your elbow.
[20] Wearing HEADPHONES for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
[21] It is physically impossible for PIGS to look up into the sky.
[22] The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
[23] Each KING in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
[24] What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.
[25] A CROCODILE cannot stick its tongue out.
[26] A SNAIL can sleep for three years.
[27] All POLAR BEARS are left handed.
[28] BUTTERFLIES taste with their feet.
[29] ELEPHANTS are the only animals that can't jump.
[30] In the last 4000 years, no new ANIMALS have been domesticated.
[31] STEWARDESSES is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
[32] The human HEART creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
[33] RATS multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
[34] People say "BLESS YOU" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
[35] If you SNEEZE too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
So good to bless sneezing person
[2] POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened.
[3] MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'.
[4] BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody.
[5] DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped..
[6] NEWS refers to information from Four directions
N, E, W, and S.
[7] AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'.
[8] QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest..
[9] JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business.
[10] TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips.
[11] JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'.GP was changed into JEEP later.
[12] Coca-Cola was originally green.
[13] The most common name in the world is Mohammed..
[14] The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with Asia, America, Australia, Europe
[15] The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
[16] TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
[17] Women BLINK nearly twice as much as men!!
[18] You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
[19] It is impossible to lick your elbow.
[20] Wearing HEADPHONES for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
[21] It is physically impossible for PIGS to look up into the sky.
[22] The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
[23] Each KING in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
[24] What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.
[25] A CROCODILE cannot stick its tongue out.
[26] A SNAIL can sleep for three years.
[27] All POLAR BEARS are left handed.
[28] BUTTERFLIES taste with their feet.
[29] ELEPHANTS are the only animals that can't jump.
[30] In the last 4000 years, no new ANIMALS have been domesticated.
[31] STEWARDESSES is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
[32] The human HEART creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
[33] RATS multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
[34] People say "BLESS YOU" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
[35] If you SNEEZE too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
So good to bless sneezing person
THE SECOND CHANCE
It was 13th August 2008. Neeta was waiting for her husband Simon. It was their marriage anniversary. Things had changed since their marriage. From cute couple they turned into a fighting one. They quarreled everyday on every small thing. Neeta gave up thinking that Simon must have forgotten their anniversary and surely won’t be back home on time.
Simon too didn’t like how the things were going. She was so loving, so caring before marriage how everything got changed so radically. Yet they still love each other.
It was 4:00 p.m. The bell rang. Neeta was surprisingly happy... Simon finally remembered... She ran to open the door. Indeed Simon was standing outside. He was smiling and had a bunch of flowers at his hand. The two then started reliving their beautiful days, making up for their quarrels. There was champagne, light music and it was raining a little outside.. Overall the weather too seemed to get romantic along with them.
But the moment came to a slight pause.. The phone in the bedroom was ringing.. Quite agitated Neeta went to pick up the phone. It was a man on the other side...” Hello madam I am calling from the police station. Is it Mr Simon Malhotra’s number???”
“Yeah, it is”
There was an accident and a Man. died. We got your number from the man’s purse.We need you to come here and identify the body..”
Neeta’s heart sank. “Whhhhaaat?? B-but my husband is here with me?”
“Sorry madam the accident took place at 3:00 p.m when the man was trying to board a bus”.
Neeta was about to lose her senses. How could this happen? She knew this type of things. She had heard about this. The soul of the person comes to meet you before it parts..She ran to the drawing room.. Simon was not there... It is true? Has something that bad really happened to Simon??? Has he left her forever??Oh God...had she been given another chance ...she would have mended all her faults... She rolled down on the floor awe struck.
Suddenly there was noise from the bathroom.. Simon came out ...” I forgot to tell u dear my purse was stolen while I was returning home...”
Life might not give u a second chance.....So never waste a moment when u can make up for your deeds.
Live, Laugh, Love, Forget, Forgive :)
Simon too didn’t like how the things were going. She was so loving, so caring before marriage how everything got changed so radically. Yet they still love each other.
It was 4:00 p.m. The bell rang. Neeta was surprisingly happy... Simon finally remembered... She ran to open the door. Indeed Simon was standing outside. He was smiling and had a bunch of flowers at his hand. The two then started reliving their beautiful days, making up for their quarrels. There was champagne, light music and it was raining a little outside.. Overall the weather too seemed to get romantic along with them.
But the moment came to a slight pause.. The phone in the bedroom was ringing.. Quite agitated Neeta went to pick up the phone. It was a man on the other side...” Hello madam I am calling from the police station. Is it Mr Simon Malhotra’s number???”
“Yeah, it is”
There was an accident and a Man. died. We got your number from the man’s purse.We need you to come here and identify the body..”
Neeta’s heart sank. “Whhhhaaat?? B-but my husband is here with me?”
“Sorry madam the accident took place at 3:00 p.m when the man was trying to board a bus”.
Neeta was about to lose her senses. How could this happen? She knew this type of things. She had heard about this. The soul of the person comes to meet you before it parts..She ran to the drawing room.. Simon was not there... It is true? Has something that bad really happened to Simon??? Has he left her forever??Oh God...had she been given another chance ...she would have mended all her faults... She rolled down on the floor awe struck.
Suddenly there was noise from the bathroom.. Simon came out ...” I forgot to tell u dear my purse was stolen while I was returning home...”
Life might not give u a second chance.....So never waste a moment when u can make up for your deeds.
Live, Laugh, Love, Forget, Forgive :)
ATTITUDE IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.......
1. SOLDIER : SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,
MAJOR: EXCELLENT! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.
2. EVERY ONE KNOWS ABOUT ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL WHO INVENTED THE
TELEPHONE, BUT HE NEVER MADE A CALL TO HIS FAMILY. BECAUSE, HIS
WIFE AND DAUGHTER WERE DEAF. THAT’S LIFE “LIVE FOR OTHERS “.
3. THE WORST IN LIFE IS "ATTACHMENT " IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE
IT. THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS " LONELINESS " BECAUSE IT TEACHES
YOU EVERYTHING AND, WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.
4. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR FACE ........
IT’S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK.
5. IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE..A LIFE ENDS. IF
AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN.......LIFE BEGINS.
GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN.
6. IT’S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU LOVE. THAN
TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE....... BECAUSE OF EGO.
7. A RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T SHINE BY JUST SHAKING HANDS
AT THE BEST OF TIMES. BUT IT BLOSSOMS BY HOLDING FIRMLY
IN CRITICAL SITUATIONS.
8. HEATED GOLD BECOMES ORNAMENTS. BEATEN COPPER BECOMES WIRES.
DEPLETED STONE BECOMES STATUE. SO, THE MORE PAIN YOU GET IN
YOUR LIFE THE MORE VALUABLE YOU BECOME.
9. WHEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITHOUT
ANY DOUBT....... AT THE END YOU WOULD GET ONE OF THE TWO :
EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR LIFE OR A VERY GOOD PERSON .
10. WHY WE HAVE SO MANY TEMPLES, IF GOD IS EVERYWHERE ?
A WISE MAN SAID: AIR IS EVERYWHERE, BUT WE STILL NEED A FAN TO FEEL IT.
MAJOR: EXCELLENT! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.
2. EVERY ONE KNOWS ABOUT ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL WHO INVENTED THE
TELEPHONE, BUT HE NEVER MADE A CALL TO HIS FAMILY. BECAUSE, HIS
WIFE AND DAUGHTER WERE DEAF. THAT’S LIFE “LIVE FOR OTHERS “.
3. THE WORST IN LIFE IS "ATTACHMENT " IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE
IT. THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS " LONELINESS " BECAUSE IT TEACHES
YOU EVERYTHING AND, WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.
4. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR FACE ........
IT’S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK.
5. IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE..A LIFE ENDS. IF
AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN.......LIFE BEGINS.
GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN.
6. IT’S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU LOVE. THAN
TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE....... BECAUSE OF EGO.
7. A RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T SHINE BY JUST SHAKING HANDS
AT THE BEST OF TIMES. BUT IT BLOSSOMS BY HOLDING FIRMLY
IN CRITICAL SITUATIONS.
8. HEATED GOLD BECOMES ORNAMENTS. BEATEN COPPER BECOMES WIRES.
DEPLETED STONE BECOMES STATUE. SO, THE MORE PAIN YOU GET IN
YOUR LIFE THE MORE VALUABLE YOU BECOME.
9. WHEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITHOUT
ANY DOUBT....... AT THE END YOU WOULD GET ONE OF THE TWO :
EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR LIFE OR A VERY GOOD PERSON .
10. WHY WE HAVE SO MANY TEMPLES, IF GOD IS EVERYWHERE ?
A WISE MAN SAID: AIR IS EVERYWHERE, BUT WE STILL NEED A FAN TO FEEL IT.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
BASTAR......
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
Friday, September 30, 2011
They just happen! ! ! !
No one teaches a volcano how to erupt......
No one teaches a tsunami how to rise........
No one teaches a hurricane how to sway around.....
No one teaches a man how to choose a wife...
Natural disasters just happen!!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
Long back...........
.........In Bombay Rosemary married Mr Lele -
but soon she divorced Mr. Lele
because she was sick of every one calling her name : ROZ MERI LELE
Imagine her tough luck.... when she got married to a Goan...Mr. Marlow........
No one teaches a tsunami how to rise........
No one teaches a hurricane how to sway around.....
No one teaches a man how to choose a wife...
Natural disasters just happen!!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
Long back...........
.........In Bombay Rosemary married Mr Lele -
but soon she divorced Mr. Lele
because she was sick of every one calling her name : ROZ MERI LELE
Imagine her tough luck.... when she got married to a Goan...Mr. Marlow........
Racism
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find Sarson Da Tel?" ( Mustard Oil)
The clerk says "You a Sikh" ?
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't.
"The guy says, "Well then, what the Bloody Hell, because I asked for Sarson Da Tel, why did you ask if I am Sikh?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in a Liquor Store.
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find Sarson Da Tel?" ( Mustard Oil)
The clerk says "You a Sikh" ?
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't.
"The guy says, "Well then, what the Bloody Hell, because I asked for Sarson Da Tel, why did you ask if I am Sikh?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in a Liquor Store.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Jana Gana Mana
'Jana Gana Mana'
- Just a thought for the National Anthem! How well do you know it?
Our national anthem, 'Jana Gana Mana', is sung throughout the country. Did you know the following about it?
I didn't. I have always wondered who is the 'Adhinayak' and 'Bharat Bhagya Vidhata',
whose praise we are singing. I have always thought it might be Motherland India!
To begin with, Jana Gana Mana, was written by Rabindranath Tagore in honor of King George V and the Queen of England when they visited India in 1919. To honour their visit, Pandit Motilal Nehru had five stanzas included that are in praise of the King and Queen. (And most of us think
it is in praise of our great motherland.)
In the original Bengali verses only those provinces that were under
British rule, i.e., Punjab, Sindh,Gujarat, Maratha, were mentioned. None of the princely states, which are integral parts of India now, such as Kashmir, Rajasthan, Andhra, Mysore and Kerala, were recognized.
Neither the Indian Ocean nor the Arabian Sea were included because they were directly under Portuguese rule at that time.
Jana Gana Mana implies that King George V is the lord of the masses and Bharata Bhagya
Vidhata, or 'the bestower of good fortune'.
Here is a translation of the five stanzas that glorify the King.
Stanza 1: The (Indian) people wake up remembering your good name and ask for your blessings and they sing your glories (Tava shubha name jaage; tava shubha aashish maage, gaaye tava jaya gaatha)
Stanza 2: Around your throne, people of all religions come and give their love and anxiously wait to hear your kind words.
Stanza 3: Praise to the King for being the charioteer, for leading the ancient travellers beyond misery.
Stanza 4: Drowned in deep ignorance and suffering, this poverty stricken, unconscious country? Waiting for the wink of your eye and our mother's (the Queen's) true protection.
Stanza 5: In your compassionate plans, the sleeping Bharat (India) will wake up. We bow down to your feet, O Queen, and glory to Rajeshwara (the King).
This whole poem does not indicate any love for the Motherland, but depicts a bleak picture of it. When you sing Jana Gana Mana, whom are you glorifying? Certainly not the Motherland. Is it God? The poem does not indicate that. It is time now to understand the original purpose and the
implication of this, rather than blindly sing as has been done the past 60 years.
Maybe we should shift to Vande Mataram or Saare Jahan Se Achcha, which are far better compositions in praise of India.
Please don't break the chain -- let's see how many people get to know about this.
BE PROUD TO BE INDIAN.
- Just a thought for the National Anthem! How well do you know it?
Our national anthem, 'Jana Gana Mana', is sung throughout the country. Did you know the following about it?
I didn't. I have always wondered who is the 'Adhinayak' and 'Bharat Bhagya Vidhata',
whose praise we are singing. I have always thought it might be Motherland India!
To begin with, Jana Gana Mana, was written by Rabindranath Tagore in honor of King George V and the Queen of England when they visited India in 1919. To honour their visit, Pandit Motilal Nehru had five stanzas included that are in praise of the King and Queen. (And most of us think
it is in praise of our great motherland.)
In the original Bengali verses only those provinces that were under
British rule, i.e., Punjab, Sindh,Gujarat, Maratha, were mentioned. None of the princely states, which are integral parts of India now, such as Kashmir, Rajasthan, Andhra, Mysore and Kerala, were recognized.
Neither the Indian Ocean nor the Arabian Sea were included because they were directly under Portuguese rule at that time.
Jana Gana Mana implies that King George V is the lord of the masses and Bharata Bhagya
Vidhata, or 'the bestower of good fortune'.
Here is a translation of the five stanzas that glorify the King.
Stanza 1: The (Indian) people wake up remembering your good name and ask for your blessings and they sing your glories (Tava shubha name jaage; tava shubha aashish maage, gaaye tava jaya gaatha)
Stanza 2: Around your throne, people of all religions come and give their love and anxiously wait to hear your kind words.
Stanza 3: Praise to the King for being the charioteer, for leading the ancient travellers beyond misery.
Stanza 4: Drowned in deep ignorance and suffering, this poverty stricken, unconscious country? Waiting for the wink of your eye and our mother's (the Queen's) true protection.
Stanza 5: In your compassionate plans, the sleeping Bharat (India) will wake up. We bow down to your feet, O Queen, and glory to Rajeshwara (the King).
This whole poem does not indicate any love for the Motherland, but depicts a bleak picture of it. When you sing Jana Gana Mana, whom are you glorifying? Certainly not the Motherland. Is it God? The poem does not indicate that. It is time now to understand the original purpose and the
implication of this, rather than blindly sing as has been done the past 60 years.
Maybe we should shift to Vande Mataram or Saare Jahan Se Achcha, which are far better compositions in praise of India.
Please don't break the chain -- let's see how many people get to know about this.
BE PROUD TO BE INDIAN.
Gorilla
The zoo acquired a female of a very rare species of Gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the Gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo vet found the problem. The female Gorilla was on heat and there were no male Gorillas of the species available. It came to the zoo management's attention that one of their employees, Santa Singh, possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the zoo administrators approached Santa with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the Gorilla for Rs. 50000? Santa showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The next day Santa announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
First, "I don't have to kiss her."
Second, "You must never tell anyone about this."
And
Third, "I WILL NEED AT LEAST ONE WEEK TO ARRANGE THE Rs. 50000!"
Within a few weeks, the Gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo vet found the problem. The female Gorilla was on heat and there were no male Gorillas of the species available. It came to the zoo management's attention that one of their employees, Santa Singh, possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the zoo administrators approached Santa with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the Gorilla for Rs. 50000? Santa showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The next day Santa announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
First, "I don't have to kiss her."
Second, "You must never tell anyone about this."
And
Third, "I WILL NEED AT LEAST ONE WEEK TO ARRANGE THE Rs. 50000!"
Here are some of those text messages that have angered the Pakistani establishment:
1. Long lines
A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
“Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him.
“No, that line is longer than this one“, he replies.
2. Robber meets Zardari
Robber: “Give me all your money!”
Zardari: “Don’t you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.”
Robber: “OK. Give me all my money.”
3. TV anchor announcing:
Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters.”
4. Postmaster General announcing
To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.
5. Announcement In Zardari’s official airplane…
Mr. President , We are about to land.
could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you….
6. Pakistani meets American
Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves?
American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials
Pakistani: That’s nothing. We give them the presidency.
7. Genie meets Pakistani
Genie to Pakistani: Order me my master. What can I do for you?
Pakistani to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.
Genie: My name is Genie, not Zardari.
A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
“Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him.
“No, that line is longer than this one“, he replies.
2. Robber meets Zardari
Robber: “Give me all your money!”
Zardari: “Don’t you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.”
Robber: “OK. Give me all my money.”
3. TV anchor announcing:
Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters.”
4. Postmaster General announcing
To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.
5. Announcement In Zardari’s official airplane…
Mr. President , We are about to land.
could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you….
6. Pakistani meets American
Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves?
American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials
Pakistani: That’s nothing. We give them the presidency.
7. Genie meets Pakistani
Genie to Pakistani: Order me my master. What can I do for you?
Pakistani to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.
Genie: My name is Genie, not Zardari.
NAMASTE
Once upon a time, there was an ashram in the Himalayas where a great sage and his disciples lived. They all respected their Guru not only for his knowledge, but also for his love and kindness towards all.
Because of his kind nature he often accepted disciples who were spiritually immature. This resulted in silly misunderstandings and quarrels among some of his disciples breaking the peace and tranquility of the hermitage.
One day the Guru was very disturbed to see their immature behavior even after his repeated advice. It saddened his good heart to see his disciples turning into slaves of jealousy and anger. His compassion did not let him throw anyone out of his hermitage. Instead, he sincerely prayed to God to give him a solution. He fasted for many days, and spent the days by himself in meditation and prayer.
After some days of fasting and intense prayers, he had a vision of the Lord. In the vision, God asked him why he was sad. He explained everything and requested Him to come to the ashram and free their minds of jealousy, anger, and desire for power. To his surprise, the Lord immediately agreed and told him that He would come to the ashram on one condition: He would come in disguise as one of the disciples, and nobody would know who was God in disguise. The Guru announced to his disciples about his vision and Bhagavans kind decision to come as one of his disciples.
The disciples were very happy when they heard about Bhagavans plan to come and live with them in disguise. But they did not know who was Bhagavan and everybody was very gentle and considerate to each other thinking that the other disciple might be Bhagavan Himself in disguise. When they lived like that for a few months, peace and tranquility filled their hearts as well as the hermitage.
In their pure minds, they felt the Lords blissful presence and they started treating each other, and thinking of each other, as none other than Bhagavan Himself in disguise! The whole ashram was reverberating with blissful positive vibrations emanating from everyone! This great sage and his disciples told their experience to others and inspired them also to respect each other and to pranam to the divinity in every one.
Since then, everybody started greeting each other saying namaste with folded hands : namah + te, meaning I bow to That (Divinity) inherent in you.
In Sanskrit the word isnamah + te = namaste which means I bow to you - my greetings, salutations or prostration to you. The word namaha can also be literally interpreted as "na ma" (not mine). It has a spiritual significance of reducing one's ego in the presence of another.
Why Namaste:
Namaste could be just a casual or formal greeting, a cultural convention or an act of worship. However, there is much more to it than meets the eye. The real meeting between people is the meeting of their minds. When we greet one another with namaste, it means, may our minds meet, indicated by the folded palms placed before the chest. The bowing down of the head is a gracious form of extending friendship in love, respect and humility.
Spiritual Significance of Namaste:
The reason why we do namaste has a deeper spiritual significance. It recognizes the belief that the life force, the divinity, the Self or the God in me is the same in all. Acknowledging this oneness with the meeting of the palms, we honor the god in the person we meet.
May the Lord help us also to see His divinity in everybody! Namaste!
-- Aano bhadra krtavo yantu vishwatah.(- RIG VEDA)
"Let noble thoughts come to me from all directions
Because of his kind nature he often accepted disciples who were spiritually immature. This resulted in silly misunderstandings and quarrels among some of his disciples breaking the peace and tranquility of the hermitage.
One day the Guru was very disturbed to see their immature behavior even after his repeated advice. It saddened his good heart to see his disciples turning into slaves of jealousy and anger. His compassion did not let him throw anyone out of his hermitage. Instead, he sincerely prayed to God to give him a solution. He fasted for many days, and spent the days by himself in meditation and prayer.
After some days of fasting and intense prayers, he had a vision of the Lord. In the vision, God asked him why he was sad. He explained everything and requested Him to come to the ashram and free their minds of jealousy, anger, and desire for power. To his surprise, the Lord immediately agreed and told him that He would come to the ashram on one condition: He would come in disguise as one of the disciples, and nobody would know who was God in disguise. The Guru announced to his disciples about his vision and Bhagavans kind decision to come as one of his disciples.
The disciples were very happy when they heard about Bhagavans plan to come and live with them in disguise. But they did not know who was Bhagavan and everybody was very gentle and considerate to each other thinking that the other disciple might be Bhagavan Himself in disguise. When they lived like that for a few months, peace and tranquility filled their hearts as well as the hermitage.
In their pure minds, they felt the Lords blissful presence and they started treating each other, and thinking of each other, as none other than Bhagavan Himself in disguise! The whole ashram was reverberating with blissful positive vibrations emanating from everyone! This great sage and his disciples told their experience to others and inspired them also to respect each other and to pranam to the divinity in every one.
Since then, everybody started greeting each other saying namaste with folded hands : namah + te, meaning I bow to That (Divinity) inherent in you.
In Sanskrit the word isnamah + te = namaste which means I bow to you - my greetings, salutations or prostration to you. The word namaha can also be literally interpreted as "na ma" (not mine). It has a spiritual significance of reducing one's ego in the presence of another.
Why Namaste:
Namaste could be just a casual or formal greeting, a cultural convention or an act of worship. However, there is much more to it than meets the eye. The real meeting between people is the meeting of their minds. When we greet one another with namaste, it means, may our minds meet, indicated by the folded palms placed before the chest. The bowing down of the head is a gracious form of extending friendship in love, respect and humility.
Spiritual Significance of Namaste:
The reason why we do namaste has a deeper spiritual significance. It recognizes the belief that the life force, the divinity, the Self or the God in me is the same in all. Acknowledging this oneness with the meeting of the palms, we honor the god in the person we meet.
May the Lord help us also to see His divinity in everybody! Namaste!
-- Aano bhadra krtavo yantu vishwatah.(- RIG VEDA)
"Let noble thoughts come to me from all directions
Anger
A strong feeling of displeasure, hostility or antagonism towards someone or something.
Anger is an incredibly strong emotion, one that often clouds our ability to make good decisions in a situation. When we’re driven by anger, we lose touch with our own ability to read situations and respond appropriately. Even worse, an angry person often distorts how others react, as interacting with an angry person is much different than interacting with a calm person.
Anger drives people away. It alters our ability to understand those around us. It reduces their ability and desire to be fully honest with us out of fear of our anger. It creates relationships based not on mutual respect and trust, but on fear and careful manipulation.
Anger is the killer of strong relationships.
The opposite of anger is peacefulness and calmness, the ability to address a situation without your own emotions boiling over the top. Not only does it maintain your own ability to make good decisions in a situation, it also keeps the people around you from moving into an emotion-based state from which little good can come.
One of the most useful tactics for managing one’s anger and encouraging peacefulness is to simply reduce one’s stress level. When I am under stress, I am sometimes quick to anger. Whenever that happens, I always see later on that not only did I take actions that caused the situation to turn out worse, I also caused the people I interacted with to interact with me differently, both then and often afterwards. It’s yet another reason why it’s worthwile (for me) to focus on minimizing my stress whenever and wherever I can.
I tend to de-stress through exercise and meditation. Whenever I exercise and meditate daily, my stress level is naturally lower and I’m able to maintain a level of peacefulness in my life, which is the backbone of the strong relationships in my life.
I also de-stress by getting adequate sleep. When I am exhausted, I tend to respond emotionally to everything in both positive and negative ways. When I am fully rested, I am able to check my emotions, particularly my negative ones.
Anger is a natural feeling, but it should never drive you. It can be controlled and, for the sake of your relationships and your life, it should be controlled.
Anger is an incredibly strong emotion, one that often clouds our ability to make good decisions in a situation. When we’re driven by anger, we lose touch with our own ability to read situations and respond appropriately. Even worse, an angry person often distorts how others react, as interacting with an angry person is much different than interacting with a calm person.
Anger drives people away. It alters our ability to understand those around us. It reduces their ability and desire to be fully honest with us out of fear of our anger. It creates relationships based not on mutual respect and trust, but on fear and careful manipulation.
Anger is the killer of strong relationships.
The opposite of anger is peacefulness and calmness, the ability to address a situation without your own emotions boiling over the top. Not only does it maintain your own ability to make good decisions in a situation, it also keeps the people around you from moving into an emotion-based state from which little good can come.
One of the most useful tactics for managing one’s anger and encouraging peacefulness is to simply reduce one’s stress level. When I am under stress, I am sometimes quick to anger. Whenever that happens, I always see later on that not only did I take actions that caused the situation to turn out worse, I also caused the people I interacted with to interact with me differently, both then and often afterwards. It’s yet another reason why it’s worthwile (for me) to focus on minimizing my stress whenever and wherever I can.
I tend to de-stress through exercise and meditation. Whenever I exercise and meditate daily, my stress level is naturally lower and I’m able to maintain a level of peacefulness in my life, which is the backbone of the strong relationships in my life.
I also de-stress by getting adequate sleep. When I am exhausted, I tend to respond emotionally to everything in both positive and negative ways. When I am fully rested, I am able to check my emotions, particularly my negative ones.
Anger is a natural feeling, but it should never drive you. It can be controlled and, for the sake of your relationships and your life, it should be controlled.
Parrot!!!!!
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me?!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy. I' m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for
$20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything,
he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. '
When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me?!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy. I' m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for
$20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything,
he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. '
When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'
HOW TO START A FIGHT!!!
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started..
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started..
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
Friday, September 23, 2011
The Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, "sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
dug him out and ate him.Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2)Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, "sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
dug him out and ate him.Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2)Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
LOGICAL THINKING - time for big and fat similing face Lol
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years Then we met.
Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous
David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years Then we met.
Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Hell as explained by a briliant chem student and the fantastic conclusion arrived at
The following is an actual answer to a question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct....... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct....... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
Golden words ( A good collection of known but good ones to repeat )
Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life.
Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.
Life is not about finding the right person,
but creating the right relationship,
it's not how we care in the beginning,
but how much we care till ending.
Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.
When flood comes, fish eat ants and when flood recedes, ants eat fish.
Only time matters.
Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!
Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That’s life.
It’s not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it’s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.
Often when we lose all hope and think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says,
relax dear its just a bend. Not the end.
Have Faith and have a successful life.
One of the basic differences between God and human is,
God gives, gives and forgives.
But human gets, gets, gets and forgets.
Be thankful in life!
Only two types of persons are happy in this world.
1st is Mad and 2nd is Child.
Be Mad to achieve what you desire and
be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved!
Never play with the feelings of others because you may win the game but the risk is that you will surely lose the person for life time.
The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people;
but because of the silence of good people!
If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world.
Laughing faces do not mean that there is absence of sorrow! But it means that they have the ability to deal with it.
Opportunities are like sunrises,
if you wait too long you can miss them.
When you are in the light, everything follows you,
but when you enter into the dark,
even your own shadow doesn’t follow you.
Coin always makes sound
but the currency notes are always silent.
So when your value increases keep yourself calm silent.
It is very easy to defeat someone;
but it is very hard to win over someone
Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.
Life is not about finding the right person,
but creating the right relationship,
it's not how we care in the beginning,
but how much we care till ending.
Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.
When flood comes, fish eat ants and when flood recedes, ants eat fish.
Only time matters.
Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!
Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That’s life.
It’s not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it’s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.
Often when we lose all hope and think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says,
relax dear its just a bend. Not the end.
Have Faith and have a successful life.
One of the basic differences between God and human is,
God gives, gives and forgives.
But human gets, gets, gets and forgets.
Be thankful in life!
Only two types of persons are happy in this world.
1st is Mad and 2nd is Child.
Be Mad to achieve what you desire and
be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved!
Never play with the feelings of others because you may win the game but the risk is that you will surely lose the person for life time.
The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people;
but because of the silence of good people!
If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world.
Laughing faces do not mean that there is absence of sorrow! But it means that they have the ability to deal with it.
Opportunities are like sunrises,
if you wait too long you can miss them.
When you are in the light, everything follows you,
but when you enter into the dark,
even your own shadow doesn’t follow you.
Coin always makes sound
but the currency notes are always silent.
So when your value increases keep yourself calm silent.
It is very easy to defeat someone;
but it is very hard to win over someone
Just for Laughs
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
What is Nurse?
A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and thenexpects your pulse to be normal.
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Q: What's the difference between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying and the other ensuresyou continue to do so.
Banta Sigh enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it....He does this again and again.
Why?Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
What is Nurse?
A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and thenexpects your pulse to be normal.
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Q: What's the difference between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying and the other ensuresyou continue to do so.
Banta Sigh enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it....He does this again and again.
Why?Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
Revision
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "MY bike."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "MY bike."
2 liner sleaze on Nityananda
I thought this Swami was clean, but apparently he led a double-life.
As the French say, "tojours l'amour" ! Deccan Chronicle published a collection of 2-liners yesterday which summed it all up:
Discourse by day/ Intercourse by night
Healing the masses by day/ Feeling the masses by night
Sandal wood (chandan) by day/ Tiger Woods by night
Missionary by day/ Missionary (ahem!) by night
Spiritual by day/ Spirited by night
Pujari by day/ Tiwari (ND) by night
Baba by day/ Black sheep by night
Bead-ing by day/ Bedding by night
Swamy by day/ Slimy by night
Renounce by day/ Pounce by night
Lecture by day/ Lecher by night
Din mei jogi/ Raat mei bhogi
Nityananda by day/ Nitya nanga by night
What a charmed life!
As the French say, "tojours l'amour" ! Deccan Chronicle published a collection of 2-liners yesterday which summed it all up:
Discourse by day/ Intercourse by night
Healing the masses by day/ Feeling the masses by night
Sandal wood (chandan) by day/ Tiger Woods by night
Missionary by day/ Missionary (ahem!) by night
Spiritual by day/ Spirited by night
Pujari by day/ Tiwari (ND) by night
Baba by day/ Black sheep by night
Bead-ing by day/ Bedding by night
Swamy by day/ Slimy by night
Renounce by day/ Pounce by night
Lecture by day/ Lecher by night
Din mei jogi/ Raat mei bhogi
Nityananda by day/ Nitya nanga by night
What a charmed life!
BCCI REFUSES VIRGIN AIRLINE SPONSORSHIP
Billionaire Virgin business group boss Richard Branson has offered to sponsor the Indian cricket team currently reeling after a string of tournament defeats.
However, the Board of Control for Cricket of India (BCCI) has politely refused the generous multi-million- pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate.
As one of the Board official snapped: "We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts, when we're getting screwed in every match in England"!
However, the Board of Control for Cricket of India (BCCI) has politely refused the generous multi-million- pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate.
As one of the Board official snapped: "We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts, when we're getting screwed in every match in England"!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Attitude is what life is all about--------------------------------
1. Soldier: sir we are surrounded from all sides by Enemies,
Major: excellent! We can attack in any direction.
2. Everyone knows about Alexander Graham Bell who invented the telephone, but he never made a call to his family. Because, his wife and daughter were deaf. That’s life “live for others “.
3. The worst in life is "attachment” it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is “loneliness” because it teaches you everything and, when you lose it, you get everything.
4. Life is not about the people who act true to your face........ It’s about the people who remain true behind your back.
5. If an egg is broken by an outside force.., a life ends. If an egg breaks from within.......life begins. Great things always begin from within.
6. it’s better to lose your ego to the one you love. Than to lose the one you love....... because of ego.
7. A relationship doesn't shine by just shaking hands at the best of times. But it blossoms by holding firmly in critical situations.
8. Heated gold becomes ornaments. Beaten copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So, the more pain you get in your life the more valuable you become.
9. When you trust someone trust him completely without any doubt..... At the end you would get one of the two: either a lesson for your life or a very good person.
10. Why we have so many temples, if god is everywhere?
A wise man said: air is everywhere, but we still need a fan to feel it.
Major: excellent! We can attack in any direction.
2. Everyone knows about Alexander Graham Bell who invented the telephone, but he never made a call to his family. Because, his wife and daughter were deaf. That’s life “live for others “.
3. The worst in life is "attachment” it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is “loneliness” because it teaches you everything and, when you lose it, you get everything.
4. Life is not about the people who act true to your face........ It’s about the people who remain true behind your back.
5. If an egg is broken by an outside force.., a life ends. If an egg breaks from within.......life begins. Great things always begin from within.
6. it’s better to lose your ego to the one you love. Than to lose the one you love....... because of ego.
7. A relationship doesn't shine by just shaking hands at the best of times. But it blossoms by holding firmly in critical situations.
8. Heated gold becomes ornaments. Beaten copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So, the more pain you get in your life the more valuable you become.
9. When you trust someone trust him completely without any doubt..... At the end you would get one of the two: either a lesson for your life or a very good person.
10. Why we have so many temples, if god is everywhere?
A wise man said: air is everywhere, but we still need a fan to feel it.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Jokes: Blind Man and how English has changed
When I was 10 - rubber meant eraser, ass meant donkey, gay meant happy, straight meant linear, making out meant 'logical deduction', Cock meant rooster, pussy meant cat, stag meant a male deer, prick meant a jab, poke meant a nudge, chick meant a baby hen, screw meant a carpenter's implement and a Tit was always for Tat!!
Damn! -English has changed so much !!!!!
-------------------------
Blind Man
-------------------------
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."
-------------------------
Damn! -English has changed so much !!!!!
-------------------------
Blind Man
-------------------------
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."
-------------------------
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Superb Sentences By 7 Superb Persons
Dr.Abdul Kalam.... "It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone,
But It Is Very Hard To Win Some
Shakespeare..... "Never Play With The Feelings Of Others
Because You May Win The Game
But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Lose The Person For A LifeTime"
Napoleon........ "The world suffers a lot.
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"
Einstein......... "I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its because of them I did it myself.."
Abraham Lincoln......... "If friendship is your weakest point then
you are the strongest person
in the world"
Shakespeare.......... "Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is
Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To
Deal With It".
William Arthur...... "Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You
Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".
Hitler..... "When You Are In The Light, Everything
Follows You, But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."
Shakespeare......... "Coin Always Makes Sound
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases
Keep Yourself Calm and Silent"
But It Is Very Hard To Win Some
Shakespeare..... "Never Play With The Feelings Of Others
Because You May Win The Game
But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Lose The Person For A LifeTime"
Napoleon........ "The world suffers a lot.
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"
Einstein......... "I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its because of them I did it myself.."
Abraham Lincoln......... "If friendship is your weakest point then
you are the strongest person
in the world"
Shakespeare.......... "Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is
Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To
Deal With It".
William Arthur...... "Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You
Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".
Hitler..... "When You Are In The Light, Everything
Follows You, But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."
Shakespeare......... "Coin Always Makes Sound
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases
Keep Yourself Calm and Silent"
Moral of the story!!!
THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had fee lings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family of in-laws was standing
outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car and not in your wallet.
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had fee lings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family of in-laws was standing
outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car and not in your wallet.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Woderful words
The
Present
THREE WAYS TO USE YOUR PRESENT MOMENTS
TO ENJOY YOUR WORK AND LIFE, NOW!
BE IN THE PRESENT
WHEN YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER AND MORE EFFECTIVE
Focus On What Is Right Now.
Respond To What Is Important Today.
LEARN FROM THE PAST
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE PRESENT BETTER THAN THE PAST
Look At What Happened In The Past.
Learn Something Valuable From It.
Do Things Differently Today.
HELP CREATE THE FUTURE
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE FUTURE BETTER THAN THE PRESENT
Imagine What A Wonderful Future Would Look Like.
Make A Realistic Plan.
Do Something Today To Help It Happen.
Present
THREE WAYS TO USE YOUR PRESENT MOMENTS
TO ENJOY YOUR WORK AND LIFE, NOW!
BE IN THE PRESENT
WHEN YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER AND MORE EFFECTIVE
Focus On What Is Right Now.
Respond To What Is Important Today.
LEARN FROM THE PAST
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE PRESENT BETTER THAN THE PAST
Look At What Happened In The Past.
Learn Something Valuable From It.
Do Things Differently Today.
HELP CREATE THE FUTURE
WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE THE FUTURE BETTER THAN THE PRESENT
Imagine What A Wonderful Future Would Look Like.
Make A Realistic Plan.
Do Something Today To Help It Happen.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Who is clever? Teacher or student??
One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didnt
Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and wierd with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return
the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
True story from IIT Bombay...Batch 1992-96
Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and wierd with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return
the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
True story from IIT Bombay...Batch 1992-96
Moral of the Story in Corporate and social life...........
You are exactly correct “Success is a Journey and not the destination“
Good answers
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
Sometimes just thinking out of the box is what it takes!
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
Sometimes just thinking out of the box is what it takes!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Too Busy for a Friend?
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.. .
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her.
'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said:
'Mark talked about you a lot.'
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon.
Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'
Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'
'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them today better still now, before it is too late.
Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.. .
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her.
'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said:
'Mark talked about you a lot.'
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon.
Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'
Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'
'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them today better still now, before it is too late.
Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.
NEW ASPIRIN
WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU HAD CHEST PAINS?
VERY SERIOUS INFO THAT MAY KEEP YOU ALIVE! YOU SHOULD HAVE EVERY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY READ THIS AND KNOW WHAT TO DO AS UNFORTUNATELY IT may HAPPEN TO SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU SOONER OR LATER--BE PREPARED!
ASPIRIN
IMPORTANT READ......
Something that we can do to help ourselves - Nice to know.
Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve under the tongue. (Even DISPRIN Will do well) They work much faster than the tablets.
Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
About Heart Attacks
There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.
If that happens:
- immediately dissolve 2 aspirins in your mouth
- and swallow them with a bit of water
Afterwards:
CALL AMBULANCE
- say "heart attack!"
- say that you have taken 2 aspirins..
- phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by
- take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and....
~ DO NOT lie down ~
A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after reading this, suggests it to 10 people to read the same, probably one life can be saved!
VERY SERIOUS INFO THAT MAY KEEP YOU ALIVE! YOU SHOULD HAVE EVERY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY READ THIS AND KNOW WHAT TO DO AS UNFORTUNATELY IT may HAPPEN TO SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU SOONER OR LATER--BE PREPARED!
ASPIRIN
IMPORTANT READ......
Something that we can do to help ourselves - Nice to know.
Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve under the tongue. (Even DISPRIN Will do well) They work much faster than the tablets.
Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
About Heart Attacks
There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.
If that happens:
- immediately dissolve 2 aspirins in your mouth
- and swallow them with a bit of water
Afterwards:
CALL AMBULANCE
- say "heart attack!"
- say that you have taken 2 aspirins..
- phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by
- take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and....
~ DO NOT lie down ~
A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after reading this, suggests it to 10 people to read the same, probably one life can be saved!
It is true!!!
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the
next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting
for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the
shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went
to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of< br>Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when
the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of
Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of any country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON! THAT..... ITs ALL THE WAY SHIT... INSIDE
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the
next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting
for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the
shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went
to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of< br>Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when
the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of
Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of any country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON! THAT..... ITs ALL THE WAY SHIT... INSIDE
It is true!!!
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the
next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting
for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the
shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went
to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of< br>Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when
the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of
Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of any country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON! THAT..... ITs ALL THE WAY SHIT... INSIDE
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the
next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting
for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the
shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went
to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of< br>Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when
the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of
Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of any country and the politicians who run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND
FOR THE SAME REASON! THAT..... ITs ALL THE WAY SHIT... INSIDE
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The "LESS" of 21st CENTURY
Welcome to 21st Century!!
Communication - Wireless
Phones - Cordless
Cooking - Fireless
Food - Fatless
Sweets - Sugarless
Labour - Effortless
Relations - Fruitless
Attitude - Careless
Feelings - Heartless
Politics - Shameless
Education - Worthless
Mistakes - Countless
Arguments - Baseless
Youth - Jobless
Ladies - Topless
Boss - Brainless
Jobs - Thankless
Needs - Endless
Situation - Hopeless
Salaries - Less & Less
PROTESTS USELESS
Communication - Wireless
Phones - Cordless
Cooking - Fireless
Food - Fatless
Sweets - Sugarless
Labour - Effortless
Relations - Fruitless
Attitude - Careless
Feelings - Heartless
Politics - Shameless
Education - Worthless
Mistakes - Countless
Arguments - Baseless
Youth - Jobless
Ladies - Topless
Boss - Brainless
Jobs - Thankless
Needs - Endless
Situation - Hopeless
Salaries - Less & Less
PROTESTS USELESS
The old phone .....lovely story!
The Old PhoneOn the Wall
When I was a young boy, more years ago than I now care to remember,
my father had one of the first telephones in our little village.
I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall, with the shiny receiver hanging on the side of the box.
I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person.
Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know.
Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbour.
Amusing myself at the work bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer.
The pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.
I walked around the house, sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway.
The telephone!
Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlour and dragged it to the landing.
Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver and held it to my ear.
"Information, please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two, and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
"Hello, Information."
"I hurt my finger," I wailed into the phone, the tears coming readily enough now that I had an audience.
"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the freezer?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography,
and she told me where India was. She helped me with my maths.
She told me my pet "ferret" that I had caught in the woods just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Charlie, our pet canary, died.
I called, "Information Please," and told her the sad story.
She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child.
But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring
joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly:
"Robby, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."
Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."
"Information," said the now familiar voice.
"How do I spell fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a small village outside Cork in the south of Ireland.
When I was nine years old, we moved across the Irish Sea to Liverpool. I missed my friend very much.
"Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow
never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall.
As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then.
I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way to a business appointment in the United States,
my plane put down in Cork. I had about a half-hour or so before resuming the journey.
I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now.
Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialled my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
"Hello, Information."
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying,
"Could you please tell me how do I spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed, "So it's really you," I said.
"I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
"I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me.
"I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call
her again when I next came back over to visit my sister.
"Please do," she said. "Just ask for Sally."
The year after I was back home visiting my sister. A different voice answered,"Information."
I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said.
"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, "she said.
"Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up, she said: "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Robby?"
"Yes," I answered.
"Well, Sally left a message for you.
"She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note said:
'Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.'
"He'll know what I mean."
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others...
Whose life have you touched today?
Why not pass this on? I just did...
Lifting you on eagle's wings.
May you find the joy and peace you long for....
Life is a journey... NOT a guided tour.
I loved this story and just had to pass it on.
I hope you enjoy it too.
When I was a young boy, more years ago than I now care to remember,
my father had one of the first telephones in our little village.
I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall, with the shiny receiver hanging on the side of the box.
I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person.
Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know.
Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbour.
Amusing myself at the work bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer.
The pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.
I walked around the house, sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway.
The telephone!
Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlour and dragged it to the landing.
Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver and held it to my ear.
"Information, please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two, and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
"Hello, Information."
"I hurt my finger," I wailed into the phone, the tears coming readily enough now that I had an audience.
"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the freezer?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography,
and she told me where India was. She helped me with my maths.
She told me my pet "ferret" that I had caught in the woods just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Charlie, our pet canary, died.
I called, "Information Please," and told her the sad story.
She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child.
But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring
joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly:
"Robby, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."
Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."
"Information," said the now familiar voice.
"How do I spell fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a small village outside Cork in the south of Ireland.
When I was nine years old, we moved across the Irish Sea to Liverpool. I missed my friend very much.
"Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow
never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall.
As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then.
I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way to a business appointment in the United States,
my plane put down in Cork. I had about a half-hour or so before resuming the journey.
I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now.
Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialled my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
"Hello, Information."
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying,
"Could you please tell me how do I spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed, "So it's really you," I said.
"I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
"I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me.
"I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call
her again when I next came back over to visit my sister.
"Please do," she said. "Just ask for Sally."
The year after I was back home visiting my sister. A different voice answered,"Information."
I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said.
"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, "she said.
"Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up, she said: "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Robby?"
"Yes," I answered.
"Well, Sally left a message for you.
"She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note said:
'Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.'
"He'll know what I mean."
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others...
Whose life have you touched today?
Why not pass this on? I just did...
Lifting you on eagle's wings.
May you find the joy and peace you long for....
Life is a journey... NOT a guided tour.
I loved this story and just had to pass it on.
I hope you enjoy it too.
Real funny........ 25 divided by 5 = 14
Maths Reinvented. Do not miss this one. Enjoy and Go crazy!!!!!!! Come on all you mathematicians, explain this. The magic of Maths. 25 divided by 5 = 14 CAN YOU PROVE IT Sit with the team and enjoy
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Priceless second opinion
The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
T he salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
T he salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up a woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tyred, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day gets no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Finally, CONFUCIUS didn't SAY. . .
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up a woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tyred, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day gets no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Finally, CONFUCIUS didn't SAY. . .
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
INTERESTING FACTS
"Stewardesses"
Is the longest word typed with only the left hand
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
And "lollipop"
Is the longest word typed with your right hand.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
But our nose and ears never stop growing.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"
Uses every letter of the alphabet.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The words 'racecar,'
'kayak' , and 'level'
Are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
= = = == = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A snail can sleep for three years.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that also)
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The cruise liner, QE 2
moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
(Good thing he did that.)
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
There are more chickens than people in the world.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Winston Churchill
was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Bonus!! All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the Elephants!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Now you know (a little) more than you did before!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Is the longest word typed with only the left hand
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
And "lollipop"
Is the longest word typed with your right hand.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
But our nose and ears never stop growing.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"
Uses every letter of the alphabet.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The words 'racecar,'
'kayak' , and 'level'
Are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
= = = == = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
A snail can sleep for three years.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that also)
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The cruise liner, QE 2
moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
(Good thing he did that.)
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
There are more chickens than people in the world.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Winston Churchill
was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Bonus!! All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the Elephants!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Now you know (a little) more than you did before!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
W is the Most Dangerous English Alphabet
Which is the
most Dangerous
Alphabet OF THE English Language ??
Answer "W"... AS It is A "HIGH" tension generator...
.coz all the worries get initiated with "W"...
Who??
Why?
What?
When?
Which??
Whom??
Where??
War...
Wine...Whiskey... Women...
Wealth
And finally.......
Believe it or not
..........
WIFE...
RajniKanth - Just for Fun..
- The moment Graham bell invented telephone and saw 2 miss calls from Rajinikanth ☺
• Once upon a time Rajnikanth used a tooth powder to get strong teeth..... . . . . . . . . today that powder is used as AMBUJA CEMENT
• Once Rajnikanth was playing Cricket and Rain Stopped due to Heavy Play
• Once Rajnikanth gone for a walk and after one hour police arrested him u know why He reached USA and having No Visa with him
• Rajnikanth was practicing for spelling test. The rough sheet he used is today known as the oxford dictionary!!
• Hrithik tried to participate in a dance competition with Rajnikanth. Result: He is in a wheel chair in Gujarish.
• Rajnikanth was once told to choose 3 subjects when he got admission in jr.college................ He chose science,arts and commerce!!!!!!!
• Rajnikanth can make calls from his iPod to his iPad...!!!
• One nite, while asleep, Rajnikanth was mumbling some random numbrs... Thats how the Log table was invented.
• One day Rajnikanth bunked school. Since then it is known as Sunday
• Once Rajnikanth was on the hot seat of KBC....
And the computer needed lifeline to choose the question. Mind it!
• Micheal Jordan to Rajini: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Rajini: Maccha, how do you think the earth spins!?
• All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did...
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Ans: Dosa... mind it!!!
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