No one teaches a volcano how to erupt......
No one teaches a tsunami how to rise........
No one teaches a hurricane how to sway around.....
No one teaches a man how to choose a wife...
Natural disasters just happen!!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
Long back...........
.........In Bombay Rosemary married Mr Lele -
but soon she divorced Mr. Lele
because she was sick of every one calling her name : ROZ MERI LELE
Imagine her tough luck.... when she got married to a Goan...Mr. Marlow........
Friday, September 30, 2011
Racism
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find Sarson Da Tel?" ( Mustard Oil)
The clerk says "You a Sikh" ?
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't.
"The guy says, "Well then, what the Bloody Hell, because I asked for Sarson Da Tel, why did you ask if I am Sikh?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in a Liquor Store.
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find Sarson Da Tel?" ( Mustard Oil)
The clerk says "You a Sikh" ?
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't.
"The guy says, "Well then, what the Bloody Hell, because I asked for Sarson Da Tel, why did you ask if I am Sikh?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in a Liquor Store.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Jana Gana Mana
'Jana Gana Mana'
- Just a thought for the National Anthem! How well do you know it?
Our national anthem, 'Jana Gana Mana', is sung throughout the country. Did you know the following about it?
I didn't. I have always wondered who is the 'Adhinayak' and 'Bharat Bhagya Vidhata',
whose praise we are singing. I have always thought it might be Motherland India!
To begin with, Jana Gana Mana, was written by Rabindranath Tagore in honor of King George V and the Queen of England when they visited India in 1919. To honour their visit, Pandit Motilal Nehru had five stanzas included that are in praise of the King and Queen. (And most of us think
it is in praise of our great motherland.)
In the original Bengali verses only those provinces that were under
British rule, i.e., Punjab, Sindh,Gujarat, Maratha, were mentioned. None of the princely states, which are integral parts of India now, such as Kashmir, Rajasthan, Andhra, Mysore and Kerala, were recognized.
Neither the Indian Ocean nor the Arabian Sea were included because they were directly under Portuguese rule at that time.
Jana Gana Mana implies that King George V is the lord of the masses and Bharata Bhagya
Vidhata, or 'the bestower of good fortune'.
Here is a translation of the five stanzas that glorify the King.
Stanza 1: The (Indian) people wake up remembering your good name and ask for your blessings and they sing your glories (Tava shubha name jaage; tava shubha aashish maage, gaaye tava jaya gaatha)
Stanza 2: Around your throne, people of all religions come and give their love and anxiously wait to hear your kind words.
Stanza 3: Praise to the King for being the charioteer, for leading the ancient travellers beyond misery.
Stanza 4: Drowned in deep ignorance and suffering, this poverty stricken, unconscious country? Waiting for the wink of your eye and our mother's (the Queen's) true protection.
Stanza 5: In your compassionate plans, the sleeping Bharat (India) will wake up. We bow down to your feet, O Queen, and glory to Rajeshwara (the King).
This whole poem does not indicate any love for the Motherland, but depicts a bleak picture of it. When you sing Jana Gana Mana, whom are you glorifying? Certainly not the Motherland. Is it God? The poem does not indicate that. It is time now to understand the original purpose and the
implication of this, rather than blindly sing as has been done the past 60 years.
Maybe we should shift to Vande Mataram or Saare Jahan Se Achcha, which are far better compositions in praise of India.
Please don't break the chain -- let's see how many people get to know about this.
BE PROUD TO BE INDIAN.
- Just a thought for the National Anthem! How well do you know it?
Our national anthem, 'Jana Gana Mana', is sung throughout the country. Did you know the following about it?
I didn't. I have always wondered who is the 'Adhinayak' and 'Bharat Bhagya Vidhata',
whose praise we are singing. I have always thought it might be Motherland India!
To begin with, Jana Gana Mana, was written by Rabindranath Tagore in honor of King George V and the Queen of England when they visited India in 1919. To honour their visit, Pandit Motilal Nehru had five stanzas included that are in praise of the King and Queen. (And most of us think
it is in praise of our great motherland.)
In the original Bengali verses only those provinces that were under
British rule, i.e., Punjab, Sindh,Gujarat, Maratha, were mentioned. None of the princely states, which are integral parts of India now, such as Kashmir, Rajasthan, Andhra, Mysore and Kerala, were recognized.
Neither the Indian Ocean nor the Arabian Sea were included because they were directly under Portuguese rule at that time.
Jana Gana Mana implies that King George V is the lord of the masses and Bharata Bhagya
Vidhata, or 'the bestower of good fortune'.
Here is a translation of the five stanzas that glorify the King.
Stanza 1: The (Indian) people wake up remembering your good name and ask for your blessings and they sing your glories (Tava shubha name jaage; tava shubha aashish maage, gaaye tava jaya gaatha)
Stanza 2: Around your throne, people of all religions come and give their love and anxiously wait to hear your kind words.
Stanza 3: Praise to the King for being the charioteer, for leading the ancient travellers beyond misery.
Stanza 4: Drowned in deep ignorance and suffering, this poverty stricken, unconscious country? Waiting for the wink of your eye and our mother's (the Queen's) true protection.
Stanza 5: In your compassionate plans, the sleeping Bharat (India) will wake up. We bow down to your feet, O Queen, and glory to Rajeshwara (the King).
This whole poem does not indicate any love for the Motherland, but depicts a bleak picture of it. When you sing Jana Gana Mana, whom are you glorifying? Certainly not the Motherland. Is it God? The poem does not indicate that. It is time now to understand the original purpose and the
implication of this, rather than blindly sing as has been done the past 60 years.
Maybe we should shift to Vande Mataram or Saare Jahan Se Achcha, which are far better compositions in praise of India.
Please don't break the chain -- let's see how many people get to know about this.
BE PROUD TO BE INDIAN.
Gorilla
The zoo acquired a female of a very rare species of Gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the Gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo vet found the problem. The female Gorilla was on heat and there were no male Gorillas of the species available. It came to the zoo management's attention that one of their employees, Santa Singh, possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the zoo administrators approached Santa with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the Gorilla for Rs. 50000? Santa showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The next day Santa announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
First, "I don't have to kiss her."
Second, "You must never tell anyone about this."
And
Third, "I WILL NEED AT LEAST ONE WEEK TO ARRANGE THE Rs. 50000!"
Within a few weeks, the Gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo vet found the problem. The female Gorilla was on heat and there were no male Gorillas of the species available. It came to the zoo management's attention that one of their employees, Santa Singh, possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the zoo administrators approached Santa with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the Gorilla for Rs. 50000? Santa showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The next day Santa announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
First, "I don't have to kiss her."
Second, "You must never tell anyone about this."
And
Third, "I WILL NEED AT LEAST ONE WEEK TO ARRANGE THE Rs. 50000!"
Here are some of those text messages that have angered the Pakistani establishment:
1. Long lines
A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
“Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him.
“No, that line is longer than this one“, he replies.
2. Robber meets Zardari
Robber: “Give me all your money!”
Zardari: “Don’t you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.”
Robber: “OK. Give me all my money.”
3. TV anchor announcing:
Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters.”
4. Postmaster General announcing
To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.
5. Announcement In Zardari’s official airplane…
Mr. President , We are about to land.
could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you….
6. Pakistani meets American
Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves?
American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials
Pakistani: That’s nothing. We give them the presidency.
7. Genie meets Pakistani
Genie to Pakistani: Order me my master. What can I do for you?
Pakistani to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.
Genie: My name is Genie, not Zardari.
A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
“Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him.
“No, that line is longer than this one“, he replies.
2. Robber meets Zardari
Robber: “Give me all your money!”
Zardari: “Don’t you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.”
Robber: “OK. Give me all my money.”
3. TV anchor announcing:
Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters.”
4. Postmaster General announcing
To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.
5. Announcement In Zardari’s official airplane…
Mr. President , We are about to land.
could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you….
6. Pakistani meets American
Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves?
American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials
Pakistani: That’s nothing. We give them the presidency.
7. Genie meets Pakistani
Genie to Pakistani: Order me my master. What can I do for you?
Pakistani to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.
Genie: My name is Genie, not Zardari.
NAMASTE
Once upon a time, there was an ashram in the Himalayas where a great sage and his disciples lived. They all respected their Guru not only for his knowledge, but also for his love and kindness towards all.
Because of his kind nature he often accepted disciples who were spiritually immature. This resulted in silly misunderstandings and quarrels among some of his disciples breaking the peace and tranquility of the hermitage.
One day the Guru was very disturbed to see their immature behavior even after his repeated advice. It saddened his good heart to see his disciples turning into slaves of jealousy and anger. His compassion did not let him throw anyone out of his hermitage. Instead, he sincerely prayed to God to give him a solution. He fasted for many days, and spent the days by himself in meditation and prayer.
After some days of fasting and intense prayers, he had a vision of the Lord. In the vision, God asked him why he was sad. He explained everything and requested Him to come to the ashram and free their minds of jealousy, anger, and desire for power. To his surprise, the Lord immediately agreed and told him that He would come to the ashram on one condition: He would come in disguise as one of the disciples, and nobody would know who was God in disguise. The Guru announced to his disciples about his vision and Bhagavans kind decision to come as one of his disciples.
The disciples were very happy when they heard about Bhagavans plan to come and live with them in disguise. But they did not know who was Bhagavan and everybody was very gentle and considerate to each other thinking that the other disciple might be Bhagavan Himself in disguise. When they lived like that for a few months, peace and tranquility filled their hearts as well as the hermitage.
In their pure minds, they felt the Lords blissful presence and they started treating each other, and thinking of each other, as none other than Bhagavan Himself in disguise! The whole ashram was reverberating with blissful positive vibrations emanating from everyone! This great sage and his disciples told their experience to others and inspired them also to respect each other and to pranam to the divinity in every one.
Since then, everybody started greeting each other saying namaste with folded hands : namah + te, meaning I bow to That (Divinity) inherent in you.
In Sanskrit the word isnamah + te = namaste which means I bow to you - my greetings, salutations or prostration to you. The word namaha can also be literally interpreted as "na ma" (not mine). It has a spiritual significance of reducing one's ego in the presence of another.
Why Namaste:
Namaste could be just a casual or formal greeting, a cultural convention or an act of worship. However, there is much more to it than meets the eye. The real meeting between people is the meeting of their minds. When we greet one another with namaste, it means, may our minds meet, indicated by the folded palms placed before the chest. The bowing down of the head is a gracious form of extending friendship in love, respect and humility.
Spiritual Significance of Namaste:
The reason why we do namaste has a deeper spiritual significance. It recognizes the belief that the life force, the divinity, the Self or the God in me is the same in all. Acknowledging this oneness with the meeting of the palms, we honor the god in the person we meet.
May the Lord help us also to see His divinity in everybody! Namaste!
-- Aano bhadra krtavo yantu vishwatah.(- RIG VEDA)
"Let noble thoughts come to me from all directions
Because of his kind nature he often accepted disciples who were spiritually immature. This resulted in silly misunderstandings and quarrels among some of his disciples breaking the peace and tranquility of the hermitage.
One day the Guru was very disturbed to see their immature behavior even after his repeated advice. It saddened his good heart to see his disciples turning into slaves of jealousy and anger. His compassion did not let him throw anyone out of his hermitage. Instead, he sincerely prayed to God to give him a solution. He fasted for many days, and spent the days by himself in meditation and prayer.
After some days of fasting and intense prayers, he had a vision of the Lord. In the vision, God asked him why he was sad. He explained everything and requested Him to come to the ashram and free their minds of jealousy, anger, and desire for power. To his surprise, the Lord immediately agreed and told him that He would come to the ashram on one condition: He would come in disguise as one of the disciples, and nobody would know who was God in disguise. The Guru announced to his disciples about his vision and Bhagavans kind decision to come as one of his disciples.
The disciples were very happy when they heard about Bhagavans plan to come and live with them in disguise. But they did not know who was Bhagavan and everybody was very gentle and considerate to each other thinking that the other disciple might be Bhagavan Himself in disguise. When they lived like that for a few months, peace and tranquility filled their hearts as well as the hermitage.
In their pure minds, they felt the Lords blissful presence and they started treating each other, and thinking of each other, as none other than Bhagavan Himself in disguise! The whole ashram was reverberating with blissful positive vibrations emanating from everyone! This great sage and his disciples told their experience to others and inspired them also to respect each other and to pranam to the divinity in every one.
Since then, everybody started greeting each other saying namaste with folded hands : namah + te, meaning I bow to That (Divinity) inherent in you.
In Sanskrit the word isnamah + te = namaste which means I bow to you - my greetings, salutations or prostration to you. The word namaha can also be literally interpreted as "na ma" (not mine). It has a spiritual significance of reducing one's ego in the presence of another.
Why Namaste:
Namaste could be just a casual or formal greeting, a cultural convention or an act of worship. However, there is much more to it than meets the eye. The real meeting between people is the meeting of their minds. When we greet one another with namaste, it means, may our minds meet, indicated by the folded palms placed before the chest. The bowing down of the head is a gracious form of extending friendship in love, respect and humility.
Spiritual Significance of Namaste:
The reason why we do namaste has a deeper spiritual significance. It recognizes the belief that the life force, the divinity, the Self or the God in me is the same in all. Acknowledging this oneness with the meeting of the palms, we honor the god in the person we meet.
May the Lord help us also to see His divinity in everybody! Namaste!
-- Aano bhadra krtavo yantu vishwatah.(- RIG VEDA)
"Let noble thoughts come to me from all directions
Anger
A strong feeling of displeasure, hostility or antagonism towards someone or something.
Anger is an incredibly strong emotion, one that often clouds our ability to make good decisions in a situation. When we’re driven by anger, we lose touch with our own ability to read situations and respond appropriately. Even worse, an angry person often distorts how others react, as interacting with an angry person is much different than interacting with a calm person.
Anger drives people away. It alters our ability to understand those around us. It reduces their ability and desire to be fully honest with us out of fear of our anger. It creates relationships based not on mutual respect and trust, but on fear and careful manipulation.
Anger is the killer of strong relationships.
The opposite of anger is peacefulness and calmness, the ability to address a situation without your own emotions boiling over the top. Not only does it maintain your own ability to make good decisions in a situation, it also keeps the people around you from moving into an emotion-based state from which little good can come.
One of the most useful tactics for managing one’s anger and encouraging peacefulness is to simply reduce one’s stress level. When I am under stress, I am sometimes quick to anger. Whenever that happens, I always see later on that not only did I take actions that caused the situation to turn out worse, I also caused the people I interacted with to interact with me differently, both then and often afterwards. It’s yet another reason why it’s worthwile (for me) to focus on minimizing my stress whenever and wherever I can.
I tend to de-stress through exercise and meditation. Whenever I exercise and meditate daily, my stress level is naturally lower and I’m able to maintain a level of peacefulness in my life, which is the backbone of the strong relationships in my life.
I also de-stress by getting adequate sleep. When I am exhausted, I tend to respond emotionally to everything in both positive and negative ways. When I am fully rested, I am able to check my emotions, particularly my negative ones.
Anger is a natural feeling, but it should never drive you. It can be controlled and, for the sake of your relationships and your life, it should be controlled.
Anger is an incredibly strong emotion, one that often clouds our ability to make good decisions in a situation. When we’re driven by anger, we lose touch with our own ability to read situations and respond appropriately. Even worse, an angry person often distorts how others react, as interacting with an angry person is much different than interacting with a calm person.
Anger drives people away. It alters our ability to understand those around us. It reduces their ability and desire to be fully honest with us out of fear of our anger. It creates relationships based not on mutual respect and trust, but on fear and careful manipulation.
Anger is the killer of strong relationships.
The opposite of anger is peacefulness and calmness, the ability to address a situation without your own emotions boiling over the top. Not only does it maintain your own ability to make good decisions in a situation, it also keeps the people around you from moving into an emotion-based state from which little good can come.
One of the most useful tactics for managing one’s anger and encouraging peacefulness is to simply reduce one’s stress level. When I am under stress, I am sometimes quick to anger. Whenever that happens, I always see later on that not only did I take actions that caused the situation to turn out worse, I also caused the people I interacted with to interact with me differently, both then and often afterwards. It’s yet another reason why it’s worthwile (for me) to focus on minimizing my stress whenever and wherever I can.
I tend to de-stress through exercise and meditation. Whenever I exercise and meditate daily, my stress level is naturally lower and I’m able to maintain a level of peacefulness in my life, which is the backbone of the strong relationships in my life.
I also de-stress by getting adequate sleep. When I am exhausted, I tend to respond emotionally to everything in both positive and negative ways. When I am fully rested, I am able to check my emotions, particularly my negative ones.
Anger is a natural feeling, but it should never drive you. It can be controlled and, for the sake of your relationships and your life, it should be controlled.
Parrot!!!!!
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me?!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy. I' m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for
$20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything,
he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. '
When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me?!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy. I' m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for
$20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything,
he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. '
When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'
HOW TO START A FIGHT!!!
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started..
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started..
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
Friday, September 23, 2011
The Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, "sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
dug him out and ate him.Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2)Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, "sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
dug him out and ate him.Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2)Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
LOGICAL THINKING - time for big and fat similing face Lol
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years Then we met.
Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous
David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years Then we met.
Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Hell as explained by a briliant chem student and the fantastic conclusion arrived at
The following is an actual answer to a question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct....... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct....... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
Golden words ( A good collection of known but good ones to repeat )
Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life.
Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.
Life is not about finding the right person,
but creating the right relationship,
it's not how we care in the beginning,
but how much we care till ending.
Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.
When flood comes, fish eat ants and when flood recedes, ants eat fish.
Only time matters.
Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!
Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That’s life.
It’s not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it’s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.
Often when we lose all hope and think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says,
relax dear its just a bend. Not the end.
Have Faith and have a successful life.
One of the basic differences between God and human is,
God gives, gives and forgives.
But human gets, gets, gets and forgets.
Be thankful in life!
Only two types of persons are happy in this world.
1st is Mad and 2nd is Child.
Be Mad to achieve what you desire and
be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved!
Never play with the feelings of others because you may win the game but the risk is that you will surely lose the person for life time.
The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people;
but because of the silence of good people!
If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world.
Laughing faces do not mean that there is absence of sorrow! But it means that they have the ability to deal with it.
Opportunities are like sunrises,
if you wait too long you can miss them.
When you are in the light, everything follows you,
but when you enter into the dark,
even your own shadow doesn’t follow you.
Coin always makes sound
but the currency notes are always silent.
So when your value increases keep yourself calm silent.
It is very easy to defeat someone;
but it is very hard to win over someone
Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.
Life is not about finding the right person,
but creating the right relationship,
it's not how we care in the beginning,
but how much we care till ending.
Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.
When flood comes, fish eat ants and when flood recedes, ants eat fish.
Only time matters.
Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!
Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That’s life.
It’s not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it’s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.
Often when we lose all hope and think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says,
relax dear its just a bend. Not the end.
Have Faith and have a successful life.
One of the basic differences between God and human is,
God gives, gives and forgives.
But human gets, gets, gets and forgets.
Be thankful in life!
Only two types of persons are happy in this world.
1st is Mad and 2nd is Child.
Be Mad to achieve what you desire and
be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved!
Never play with the feelings of others because you may win the game but the risk is that you will surely lose the person for life time.
The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people;
but because of the silence of good people!
If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world.
Laughing faces do not mean that there is absence of sorrow! But it means that they have the ability to deal with it.
Opportunities are like sunrises,
if you wait too long you can miss them.
When you are in the light, everything follows you,
but when you enter into the dark,
even your own shadow doesn’t follow you.
Coin always makes sound
but the currency notes are always silent.
So when your value increases keep yourself calm silent.
It is very easy to defeat someone;
but it is very hard to win over someone
Just for Laughs
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
What is Nurse?
A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and thenexpects your pulse to be normal.
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Q: What's the difference between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying and the other ensuresyou continue to do so.
Banta Sigh enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it....He does this again and again.
Why?Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
What is Nurse?
A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and thenexpects your pulse to be normal.
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Q: What's the difference between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying and the other ensuresyou continue to do so.
Banta Sigh enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it....He does this again and again.
Why?Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
Revision
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "MY bike."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "MY bike."
2 liner sleaze on Nityananda
I thought this Swami was clean, but apparently he led a double-life.
As the French say, "tojours l'amour" ! Deccan Chronicle published a collection of 2-liners yesterday which summed it all up:
Discourse by day/ Intercourse by night
Healing the masses by day/ Feeling the masses by night
Sandal wood (chandan) by day/ Tiger Woods by night
Missionary by day/ Missionary (ahem!) by night
Spiritual by day/ Spirited by night
Pujari by day/ Tiwari (ND) by night
Baba by day/ Black sheep by night
Bead-ing by day/ Bedding by night
Swamy by day/ Slimy by night
Renounce by day/ Pounce by night
Lecture by day/ Lecher by night
Din mei jogi/ Raat mei bhogi
Nityananda by day/ Nitya nanga by night
What a charmed life!
As the French say, "tojours l'amour" ! Deccan Chronicle published a collection of 2-liners yesterday which summed it all up:
Discourse by day/ Intercourse by night
Healing the masses by day/ Feeling the masses by night
Sandal wood (chandan) by day/ Tiger Woods by night
Missionary by day/ Missionary (ahem!) by night
Spiritual by day/ Spirited by night
Pujari by day/ Tiwari (ND) by night
Baba by day/ Black sheep by night
Bead-ing by day/ Bedding by night
Swamy by day/ Slimy by night
Renounce by day/ Pounce by night
Lecture by day/ Lecher by night
Din mei jogi/ Raat mei bhogi
Nityananda by day/ Nitya nanga by night
What a charmed life!
BCCI REFUSES VIRGIN AIRLINE SPONSORSHIP
Billionaire Virgin business group boss Richard Branson has offered to sponsor the Indian cricket team currently reeling after a string of tournament defeats.
However, the Board of Control for Cricket of India (BCCI) has politely refused the generous multi-million- pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate.
As one of the Board official snapped: "We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts, when we're getting screwed in every match in England"!
However, the Board of Control for Cricket of India (BCCI) has politely refused the generous multi-million- pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate.
As one of the Board official snapped: "We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts, when we're getting screwed in every match in England"!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Attitude is what life is all about--------------------------------
1. Soldier: sir we are surrounded from all sides by Enemies,
Major: excellent! We can attack in any direction.
2. Everyone knows about Alexander Graham Bell who invented the telephone, but he never made a call to his family. Because, his wife and daughter were deaf. That’s life “live for others “.
3. The worst in life is "attachment” it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is “loneliness” because it teaches you everything and, when you lose it, you get everything.
4. Life is not about the people who act true to your face........ It’s about the people who remain true behind your back.
5. If an egg is broken by an outside force.., a life ends. If an egg breaks from within.......life begins. Great things always begin from within.
6. it’s better to lose your ego to the one you love. Than to lose the one you love....... because of ego.
7. A relationship doesn't shine by just shaking hands at the best of times. But it blossoms by holding firmly in critical situations.
8. Heated gold becomes ornaments. Beaten copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So, the more pain you get in your life the more valuable you become.
9. When you trust someone trust him completely without any doubt..... At the end you would get one of the two: either a lesson for your life or a very good person.
10. Why we have so many temples, if god is everywhere?
A wise man said: air is everywhere, but we still need a fan to feel it.
Major: excellent! We can attack in any direction.
2. Everyone knows about Alexander Graham Bell who invented the telephone, but he never made a call to his family. Because, his wife and daughter were deaf. That’s life “live for others “.
3. The worst in life is "attachment” it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is “loneliness” because it teaches you everything and, when you lose it, you get everything.
4. Life is not about the people who act true to your face........ It’s about the people who remain true behind your back.
5. If an egg is broken by an outside force.., a life ends. If an egg breaks from within.......life begins. Great things always begin from within.
6. it’s better to lose your ego to the one you love. Than to lose the one you love....... because of ego.
7. A relationship doesn't shine by just shaking hands at the best of times. But it blossoms by holding firmly in critical situations.
8. Heated gold becomes ornaments. Beaten copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So, the more pain you get in your life the more valuable you become.
9. When you trust someone trust him completely without any doubt..... At the end you would get one of the two: either a lesson for your life or a very good person.
10. Why we have so many temples, if god is everywhere?
A wise man said: air is everywhere, but we still need a fan to feel it.
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